My CPN suggested I write a blog about the past week’s events
when she came to see me. However I really wasn’t up to it. I am going to try
and write it now as I have time to kill and I don’t know what to do with myself
otherwise. On Saturday night I got drunk and I felt so low I came home and took
an overdose of amitriptyline and chlorpromazine. After I was declared medically fit by the
hospital I was seen by the crisis team Sunday evening. It was the same nurse as
I had seen Saturday. She said my thumb was firmly pressed on the self destruct
button and that the only option left was hospital. She said I either agree to
go as an informal patient or she would request a mental health act assessment.
I was still fairly sedated from the overdose and didn’t have the energy to
fight so I agreed to go in as an informal patient. I had to wait a bit on the
ward before a bed was found. The bed that came up was in the furthest away
hospital that is covered by my trust. I was transferred there by ambulance and
it was a good 50 minutes away. I had nothing with me except the clothes I had
on my back.
When I
arrived it was the usual admission stuff of seeing psychiatrist etc and I went
to bed as still sedated from overdose. The day after I was basically left on my
own in my room. Nobody came to talk to me; I was just left laying in bed
feeling really shit. Around teatime I decided I couldn’t cope with this and
asked to leave. They said they had to get the doctor to see me first. I waited
for the doctor for a couple of hours. When I saw the doctor I told him I wanted
to leave. He said I couldn’t as I wasn’t safe. We argued and I walked off. I went
to the exit of the ward and booted the door out of frustration. I was told I had now been detained. This was
for 72 hours and I later learned it was a section 5 (2) which is known as a
doctors holding power. I was angry that I
had been detained as I had only got off a 2 year section less than 4 months
ago. I went to my room and punched the wall and banged my head a few times as
well as punching myself in the face. The charge nurse came and offered me PRN
medication but I was unwilling to co-operate with them.
After some
time of bashing around my room I went to the exit of the ward and started
kicking the door. I also put my head through one of the glass panels of the
door. I was restrained and dragged to my room where they give me 2
intra-muscular injections; one of lorazepam and the other of haloperidol. I had
totally lost control of myself. I had a piece of glass stuck in my head and
blood down my face. One of the nurses removed the glass and cleaned my head. In time I calmed down and they released their
hold on me. They told me they would offer me more medication later and if I
refused then they would just force me to have it by intra-muscular injection. Again
I was left to my own devices in my room without having the opportunity to talk
to anybody. Later they offered me more medication and not wanting to be
injected again I took it orally. My sister brought me some stuff later on that
evening which was a relief as I had been stuck in the same clothes since Saturday,
it was now Monday.
The day
after they told me they would remove the section if I agreed to be moved to
another ward in another town closer to home. I agreed. All day I was left
waiting around wondering when I would be moved. About 6 o clock they came and
told me I couldn’t be moved today as the other ward was too chaotic but that
there was a bed waiting for me and I would go tomorrow. I was fed up again and
asked to leave. The doctor said the same; I would be sectioned again if I didn’t
agree to stay. So reluctantly I agreed to stay. The morning after I was moved
to the other ward. The other ward was the same. They just left you in your room
and ignored you so I requested to leave as I couldn’t cope with it all. This time
the doctor listened to me when I said I wasn’t suicidal or going to hurt myself
and he said I could leave. I felt huge relief. I think I lasted about 4 hours
on this ward before I left. I was given 2 haloperidol to take with me. My
sister came and picked me up and took me home. I was so happy to be out of
hospital as I couldn’t hack it in there. The whole time I was in I didn’t eat
so I got a mc Donald’s on the way home. I was glad to be home but the whole experience
had left me feeling uneasy. I will never go into hospital as an informal
patient again. You really aren’t there voluntarily as they do not let you go
and threaten to section you. I found it more stressful than being under section.
If they want me in hospital again then they will have to section me.
Brokenmind
x
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